Tips for Online Dating and SCI

So you’re all ready to create your profile and give online dating a try but you don’t know what to do? Let our members walk you through the process by answering some of the most common questions facing daters with SCI/D.

How do I choose the right site?

With sites tailored toward nearly every niche, from Christian singles (Christianmingle.com) to gay singles (Gay.com) to singles with disabilities (DateDisabled.com), the options can be overwhelming. Wayne Stillerman, who has MS, met his fiancé on Plenty of Fish and speaks highly of it, as does Robert Cella, C5.

Don’t overlook the extra resources a pay site like Match.com has to offer, says Kyle Patton, C4-5. Enhanced privacy and more extensive chat programs can make a huge difference in your quest for love. He tried OK Cupid and Yahoo personals, but has had better luck with Match. So did Daniela.

Unless you are looking for a long-distance romance, make sure whichever site you choose has enough members in your immediate area.

Should I mention my spinal cord injury in my profile? If so, how?

This is the big question for SCI daters. While no one was adamant that there is a right or wrong approach, members did tend to follow gender lines on their choice. Women were more likely to post photos and state they used a wheelchair, while men often held off. Daniela says she “just tried to be really honest,” while Tiffiny says her experience suggested “the best success is to be up front about [your disability] – to be proud of it and own it.”

Robert says deciding whether to mention his disability was his “main trepidation.” He decided not to, thinking that delaying that discussion would allow respondents to get to know the real him. Wayne used the same strategy. “After about 15 minutes on the phone, if we would hit it off and I would say oh, by the way I have MS.”

Kyle says he decides whether or not to mention his SCI on a case-by-case basis. “It’s funny,” he says, “you get a whole mix of reactions. Some women are shocked that I didn’t put that on my profile and some women are accepting and seem OK.”

While a recent study found 81 percent of online daters may be falsifying their height, weight or age, everyone we spoke to was adamant about being honest when you finally do discuss your disability.

How do I handle (or avoid) creepy people who may be preying on people with disabilities?

One of the inherent advantages of meeting people online is that vetting potential dates is much easier than when you meet someone at a bar or event. Daniela “did a pretty good weeding-out process” using the Internet and her instincts. She had one out-of-state correspondent who started asking weird sexual questions and had a surprising knowledge of SCI. Luckily, she found all this out via chatting, before the two had exchanged any personal info. That leads into the second key to avoiding predators: Take your time. Most sites offer their own chat mechanisms so you can get to know someone from behind the anonymity of your profile. Take advantage of it.

Once you’re comfortable meeting your date in person, do it in a public place and consider having friends nearby in case you need help or backup. The creepiest people Kyle has encountered in his five years of online dating aren’t stalkers, butclosedminded folk who tighten up at talk of his injury. “You just have to brush it off and hope that there is a more open-minded person out there,” he says.

Reference: http://www.spinalcord.org/risking-your-heart-online-dating/